"We want a twitter page!"
Those words immediately send the alarm bells ringing. "What do you want a twitter account for?" I ask. "I don't know but we need to have one" came the response. What do you say to that? What can you say?
There are many companies who use twitter and use it well. You have a product you believe a lot of people are interested in. You can send them updates of new products or news in relation to existing ones. I won't just go along with the notion that it is merely a form for journalists to create stories about each other. There is a purpose and I recognise that.
The problem starts though when you have companies thinking they must jump in and have a Twitter account where there is no real need or demand. Usually this decision is made by a person or people who have no idea what the Internet is or what to do with it. They hear about it in the news, on the television and from friends (who are either more tech-savvy or noticed it slightly earlier). They do not understand but it's a case of "WE MUST HAVE ONE!"
So now I'm in a position where the company I work for wants one and I am asking myself "what the hell for?". Usually if someone wants to buy property in another country they will fire up the search engine and look there. They will (hopefully) look at a few sites and come to a conclusion based on what they find. What can 140 characters tell you about moving to another country? What does it tell you about the various options (other than "visit this site!! it's really good!!...at that point it's no better than being on a search engine)?
Uruguay is a small Spanish speaking country. While there are English speaking ex-pats living and moving here, the market is very small. I'd be genuinely surprised if you had more than 2,500 people coming into the country. How many of these people will think "I know...I must search Twitter just in case there is a real estate agency posting updates!!"
Friday, 14 January 2011
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Upcoming TV programmes to look forward to
Having seen quite a lot of television over the year I got wondering what to expect in the coming 12 months. Thankfully I have discovered some of the joys to look forward to:
Justin Lee Collins Extreme Pogo : The nation's loved JLC goes about the UK challenging members of the public to take "the Pogo challenge". People will be encouraged to dress up as wacky characters and can win a ticket to be in the audience of JLC's next show.
JLC meets JLS: The nation's loved Justin Lee Collins meets boyband JLS with hilarious results as he conducts a 15 part interview detailing their career and haircuts interspersed with comedic segments with the live studio audience
Climate Change: Jeremy Clarkson stars in this show where for 1 hour every week he sits in a different American muscle car and revs the engine continuously while laughing at those "liberal lefties".
Cobbler of the year: From the same team that brought you the award winning BBC3 "Butcher of the year" comes this exciting competition to establish who REALLY is the best cobbler in the UK. with various challenges from seeing who can put a heel back on a shoe the fastest and who can cut the most keys in 3 minutes, drama and high suspense is guaranteed.
Make the story: Max Clifford presents this fantastic programme with contestants aspiring to create the most believable fake story. They are then printed in the national press with the winner being the person who manages to do a "John Leslie".
The Running Man: Gameshow inspired by the movie with asylum seekers replacing convicted criminals as the participants. Pitting the contestants into a gauntlet of gladiatorial battles with the winners being given British citizenship. Can our daring combatants survive and gain the right to be brainwashed by X Factor against the likes of Buzzsaw and Dynamo? Sponsorship by the Daily Mail already secured.
Take my Journey: Dermot O'leary tours the country looking for 18-24 year olds to tell them of their "journey" to background music such as Keane, Take That and Leona Lewis. See young men break down and cry as they tell the struggle of taking a bus while knowing their kid brother has one leg and their mother died 7 years previously. Viewers are then invited to vote for the most pathetic (read: "popular and deserving"). The winner then gets a recording contract worth £1 million.
James Corden's Shite on a stick: Convinced that the public will watch anything with "renowned funny man" James Corden, ITV have commissioned a show where James will place his excrement on a stick and wave it in the faces of the live audience and various celebrity guests. There is no competition and no winners. The editors expect large sponsorship income for this project.
I truly fear what other gems of programmes we'll be afflicted with in the coming year. I just hope Facebook can create a filter allowing people to block posts containing keywords.
Happy new year people
Justin Lee Collins Extreme Pogo : The nation's loved JLC goes about the UK challenging members of the public to take "the Pogo challenge". People will be encouraged to dress up as wacky characters and can win a ticket to be in the audience of JLC's next show.
JLC meets JLS: The nation's loved Justin Lee Collins meets boyband JLS with hilarious results as he conducts a 15 part interview detailing their career and haircuts interspersed with comedic segments with the live studio audience
Climate Change: Jeremy Clarkson stars in this show where for 1 hour every week he sits in a different American muscle car and revs the engine continuously while laughing at those "liberal lefties".
Cobbler of the year: From the same team that brought you the award winning BBC3 "Butcher of the year" comes this exciting competition to establish who REALLY is the best cobbler in the UK. with various challenges from seeing who can put a heel back on a shoe the fastest and who can cut the most keys in 3 minutes, drama and high suspense is guaranteed.
Make the story: Max Clifford presents this fantastic programme with contestants aspiring to create the most believable fake story. They are then printed in the national press with the winner being the person who manages to do a "John Leslie".
The Running Man: Gameshow inspired by the movie with asylum seekers replacing convicted criminals as the participants. Pitting the contestants into a gauntlet of gladiatorial battles with the winners being given British citizenship. Can our daring combatants survive and gain the right to be brainwashed by X Factor against the likes of Buzzsaw and Dynamo? Sponsorship by the Daily Mail already secured.
Take my Journey: Dermot O'leary tours the country looking for 18-24 year olds to tell them of their "journey" to background music such as Keane, Take That and Leona Lewis. See young men break down and cry as they tell the struggle of taking a bus while knowing their kid brother has one leg and their mother died 7 years previously. Viewers are then invited to vote for the most pathetic (read: "popular and deserving"). The winner then gets a recording contract worth £1 million.
James Corden's Shite on a stick: Convinced that the public will watch anything with "renowned funny man" James Corden, ITV have commissioned a show where James will place his excrement on a stick and wave it in the faces of the live audience and various celebrity guests. There is no competition and no winners. The editors expect large sponsorship income for this project.
I truly fear what other gems of programmes we'll be afflicted with in the coming year. I just hope Facebook can create a filter allowing people to block posts containing keywords.
Happy new year people
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
My top 5 films of the year
Well I promised I'd do it but rather than spend 5 minutes thinking of it I thought I'd spend a bit of time coming up with my definitive list. Overall it has been a decent year for films with the highs being as good as anything released over the past decade. There have been various lows as well but lets not dwell on those. Have a read and let me know what you think on Facebook.
5: Kick-Ass
Kick-Ass is the first of two comic book adaptations in my top 5. Originally devised by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr (and adapted by Jane Goldman and Mathew Vaughn) the strongest aspect of this film is easily the script. Tight, witty dialogue permeates the entire film and any film that has Nick Cage doing a good turn has to be brilliant. With imaginative set pieces and strong performances throughout, this is a film I will gladly watch again and again.
4: The Road
This film was released at the start of the year and has stood up against pretty much everything else that has came out since. "Bleak" only begins to describe how dark this film is and I still remember the atmosphere in the cinema as the end credits began to roll (there was a loud collective sigh and the general feeling someone had just died). A trully stunning piece of cinema and more than worthy of a watch (though expect a tough ride)
3: Scott Pilgrim Vs The World
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World is a peculiar film. A film that is quite apart from anything that has came before it. A comic book adaptation that is more like watching someone play a video game than anything else. Edgar Wright has created a particular visual style with this film that has the sounds pretty much coming alive and directly towards you (this film could have worked as well in 3D as any film brought out in that medium). The sound and music in this is what makes the film what it is. The Beck scored Sex Ba-Bomb tracks along with clever choices for licensed tracks give the film an unmistakable character and really help make the film what it is. Special mentions to Chris Evans and Kieran Culken. Both pretty much steal the whole film.
2: Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3 is a film that manages that rare feat of being a sequel that is at least as good as the original and the Toy Story trilogy surely has to go down as one of the strongest trilogies of all time. This was a film that managed to appeal to both adults and children at the same time and dealt with themes of growing up (and out of use) and the idea of not being needed any more (themes few film makers would even consider putting into a kids film). Put simply, this is an awesome film and one that will help the Toy Story trilogy go down as one of the all-time classics.
1: Inception
So my film of the year? Well it had to be "Inception". A blockbuster with brains was how a lot of people coined it and, in truth, it's not far wrong. In an age where all we seem to get are sequels for Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean this was simply refreshing. A plot that deserved repeat viewing, enough action to satisfy most and strong performances from all involved in it, this film for me is the best thing since "There Will Be Blood" and it's possibly even better than that.
5: Kick-Ass
Kick-Ass is the first of two comic book adaptations in my top 5. Originally devised by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr (and adapted by Jane Goldman and Mathew Vaughn) the strongest aspect of this film is easily the script. Tight, witty dialogue permeates the entire film and any film that has Nick Cage doing a good turn has to be brilliant. With imaginative set pieces and strong performances throughout, this is a film I will gladly watch again and again.
4: The Road
This film was released at the start of the year and has stood up against pretty much everything else that has came out since. "Bleak" only begins to describe how dark this film is and I still remember the atmosphere in the cinema as the end credits began to roll (there was a loud collective sigh and the general feeling someone had just died). A trully stunning piece of cinema and more than worthy of a watch (though expect a tough ride)
3: Scott Pilgrim Vs The World
Scott Pilgrim Vs the World is a peculiar film. A film that is quite apart from anything that has came before it. A comic book adaptation that is more like watching someone play a video game than anything else. Edgar Wright has created a particular visual style with this film that has the sounds pretty much coming alive and directly towards you (this film could have worked as well in 3D as any film brought out in that medium). The sound and music in this is what makes the film what it is. The Beck scored Sex Ba-Bomb tracks along with clever choices for licensed tracks give the film an unmistakable character and really help make the film what it is. Special mentions to Chris Evans and Kieran Culken. Both pretty much steal the whole film.
2: Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3 is a film that manages that rare feat of being a sequel that is at least as good as the original and the Toy Story trilogy surely has to go down as one of the strongest trilogies of all time. This was a film that managed to appeal to both adults and children at the same time and dealt with themes of growing up (and out of use) and the idea of not being needed any more (themes few film makers would even consider putting into a kids film). Put simply, this is an awesome film and one that will help the Toy Story trilogy go down as one of the all-time classics.
1: Inception
So my film of the year? Well it had to be "Inception". A blockbuster with brains was how a lot of people coined it and, in truth, it's not far wrong. In an age where all we seem to get are sequels for Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean this was simply refreshing. A plot that deserved repeat viewing, enough action to satisfy most and strong performances from all involved in it, this film for me is the best thing since "There Will Be Blood" and it's possibly even better than that.
Friday, 3 December 2010
An Alternative Top 5 goals of the year
Now when people do these sorts of things they always throw out specials by messi, Ronaldo etc but I thought I'd throw out a few awesome goals that won't be looked at for the Puskas award. These are in no particular order.
Martin Morel
Deportivo Cali vs America de Cali 2m25 in. Quick thinking opportunism + technique = this.
Raul
Schalke vs bayern. Raul showing he still has it
Ezequiel Calvente
Spain U21 vs Italy U21. Normally you wouldn't see a penalty anywhere near a top 5 anything (apart from top 5 penalties perhaps). This is a bit special though
Johan Elmander
Wolves vs Bolton. Elmander showing he has "good feet for a big man"
Patric
Avai vs Internacional. This is the goal that Wenger dreams his team scoring. Brilliant passing and some finish
Martin Morel
Deportivo Cali vs America de Cali 2m25 in. Quick thinking opportunism + technique = this.
Raul
Schalke vs bayern. Raul showing he still has it
Ezequiel Calvente
Spain U21 vs Italy U21. Normally you wouldn't see a penalty anywhere near a top 5 anything (apart from top 5 penalties perhaps). This is a bit special though
Johan Elmander
Wolves vs Bolton. Elmander showing he has "good feet for a big man"
Patric
Avai vs Internacional. This is the goal that Wenger dreams his team scoring. Brilliant passing and some finish
Saturday, 27 November 2010
My love of the X Factor
Well it's always easy to choose an easy target to rip into but sometimes you have to remind yourself "If it's so easy then there must be good reason to do it". At the moment one thing that is annoying me is the coverage by UK media outlets and the reaction from people who should know better on the phenomenon that is "X-Factor.
Firstly you have the programme itself which deludes masses of lazy young people that to have a career in the music industry all you need is to win some 'talent' show. Forget the hard work of coming up with your own material. Who needs to write songs when you can sing other people's songs badly and be lauded for giving a "new take" to a classic (read "butchered the fucking life out of but we want to market you as 'edgy'"). Forget touring round the UK playing to small crowds and generating a following through raw grit and determination when we can create a "journey" for you and make the public like you out of sympathy owing to the fact your mum has three boobs and that you're "doing it for Nan". All we need to add is a montage with Take That playing in the background (it used to be Keane or Coldplay but everyone's favourite boyband are back as flavour of the month). Forget even that fact you need to be any good at singing as that's what the auto tune button is for anyway. The whole programme can be seen as a metaphor for modern living when people want everything while doing nothing and want everyone to see them do it.
The media doesn't help matters though. You have certain low-brow red tops who plaster their pages every day with "X Factor star has secret child" and "so and so is knobbing the weird one with the bad haircut". These are nothing stories about nothing people on a nothing programme. And yet I must be wrong because people buy the papers on the strength of these articles. Unless, of course, that the papers themselves are the ones generating the desire for the brain dead to feed on this pap. I'd rather eat brains myself.
We also have the whole question of "who are the real stars of the show?" to answer. Of course it's not the contestants who are replaced and forgotten about with consummate ease...I mean who remembers who finished 5th in 2007? The real stars of the show are the judging panel. You have Louis Walsh, a man who plays the role of arsehole on the show (and has a natural flair for it), Danni Minogue who is still trying to emerge from the tiny shadow of her sister, Cheryl Cole, a woman who has marketing people screaming at us in our faces convincing the nation's populace that she is the new "People's Princess" - a title held by Princess Di (won't even go there) and jade Goody (don't need to go there) despite the alleged assault and racism (who came up with the method of having sex with black footballers to convince people you're not really racist? Cheryl or Danielle Lloyd?). And then we have Simon Cowell. I do not dispute his genius because he has helped to create a money making machine and could probably walk along any street he wanted and literally buy any person on it. He's the honest one telling idiot after idiot they're crap and not to bother but people watching never stop to ask "Does he want the best person to win or the one that's easiest to market?" (see previous about what you need or don't need to be on this programme). Anyone who thinks the former needs their head checked.
So I don't like it. That much is pretty obvious. I try to avoid the whole thing and nowadays I have pretty much succeeded. One problem remains though and that's Facebook.
Now I'm not going to rant about the evils of Facebook (one for another time) but more the people on it. This show seems to have taken people who are generally good judges of taste and totally brainwashing them into thinking this crap is somehow relevant. Every week I'll read "This is a fix!", "so and so (the one that knobbed the weird one with the bad haircut..he dumps her in tomorrow's exclusive) was robbed!" and the oft used "I'm not watching it again!!"...only they do watch it again and every other week because they're addicted. I don't know what is worse. The fact the show is basically a fix or the fact that people know it, complain about it and yet still watch (and vote...Cowell needs to keep those teeth maintained you know).
Maybe people will realise that it's not worth watching and there are far superior programmes on television that are worth watching (and a whole world out there that doesn't need a TV to access it) but I doubt it. Besides, when this finishes we'll have Britain's got talent on again!!
Firstly you have the programme itself which deludes masses of lazy young people that to have a career in the music industry all you need is to win some 'talent' show. Forget the hard work of coming up with your own material. Who needs to write songs when you can sing other people's songs badly and be lauded for giving a "new take" to a classic (read "butchered the fucking life out of but we want to market you as 'edgy'"). Forget touring round the UK playing to small crowds and generating a following through raw grit and determination when we can create a "journey" for you and make the public like you out of sympathy owing to the fact your mum has three boobs and that you're "doing it for Nan". All we need to add is a montage with Take That playing in the background (it used to be Keane or Coldplay but everyone's favourite boyband are back as flavour of the month). Forget even that fact you need to be any good at singing as that's what the auto tune button is for anyway. The whole programme can be seen as a metaphor for modern living when people want everything while doing nothing and want everyone to see them do it.
The media doesn't help matters though. You have certain low-brow red tops who plaster their pages every day with "X Factor star has secret child" and "so and so is knobbing the weird one with the bad haircut". These are nothing stories about nothing people on a nothing programme. And yet I must be wrong because people buy the papers on the strength of these articles. Unless, of course, that the papers themselves are the ones generating the desire for the brain dead to feed on this pap. I'd rather eat brains myself.
We also have the whole question of "who are the real stars of the show?" to answer. Of course it's not the contestants who are replaced and forgotten about with consummate ease...I mean who remembers who finished 5th in 2007? The real stars of the show are the judging panel. You have Louis Walsh, a man who plays the role of arsehole on the show (and has a natural flair for it), Danni Minogue who is still trying to emerge from the tiny shadow of her sister, Cheryl Cole, a woman who has marketing people screaming at us in our faces convincing the nation's populace that she is the new "People's Princess" - a title held by Princess Di (won't even go there) and jade Goody (don't need to go there) despite the alleged assault and racism (who came up with the method of having sex with black footballers to convince people you're not really racist? Cheryl or Danielle Lloyd?). And then we have Simon Cowell. I do not dispute his genius because he has helped to create a money making machine and could probably walk along any street he wanted and literally buy any person on it. He's the honest one telling idiot after idiot they're crap and not to bother but people watching never stop to ask "Does he want the best person to win or the one that's easiest to market?" (see previous about what you need or don't need to be on this programme). Anyone who thinks the former needs their head checked.
So I don't like it. That much is pretty obvious. I try to avoid the whole thing and nowadays I have pretty much succeeded. One problem remains though and that's Facebook.
Now I'm not going to rant about the evils of Facebook (one for another time) but more the people on it. This show seems to have taken people who are generally good judges of taste and totally brainwashing them into thinking this crap is somehow relevant. Every week I'll read "This is a fix!", "so and so (the one that knobbed the weird one with the bad haircut..he dumps her in tomorrow's exclusive) was robbed!" and the oft used "I'm not watching it again!!"...only they do watch it again and every other week because they're addicted. I don't know what is worse. The fact the show is basically a fix or the fact that people know it, complain about it and yet still watch (and vote...Cowell needs to keep those teeth maintained you know).
Maybe people will realise that it's not worth watching and there are far superior programmes on television that are worth watching (and a whole world out there that doesn't need a TV to access it) but I doubt it. Besides, when this finishes we'll have Britain's got talent on again!!
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